i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
jump out the window naked night went bad
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