I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
