I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
