I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
