no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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