...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
