Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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