he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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