Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
