Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
