I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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