This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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