i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
