I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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