dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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