I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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