Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
