My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
