Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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