YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
