Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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