I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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