I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
