I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
