obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
