I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
