We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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