I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
