I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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