I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
