did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
