Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I AM VODKA MAN
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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