sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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