I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
