be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
