You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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