he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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