The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
