There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Will you blow on my dice?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
