That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
