thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
