whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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