My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
