You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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