I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
