I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
