cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
