I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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