I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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