and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
