Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
