Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
