I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
