Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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