she woke up with a sticky ear
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
