Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
