Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
