i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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