Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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