Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW