If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.