Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?