Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me