A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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