why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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