he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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