was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
