i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
