There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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