We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize