Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
