Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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