I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
