you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
